Sunday, September 11, 2016

A little CLARITY ....

Hey Friends, 
Another weekend .. another IFBB Bikini competition in the books!! 
Okay .. so post show on Saturday .. I made this FB status update:

Well....lets just say it appears this certainly wasn't my show. It's okay though ;-) I tried to make changes (come in *less* conditioned. But still bring a look I personally like.) A tough balance .. but I KNOW I achieved it today. I was calm, collected and I dialed in EXACTLY how we wanted. NOTHING else I could do. Literally ... Nothing. So I am eager to get feedback.
Honestly ... I don't know what is next. This is a subjective sport ... I know that. But I keep bringing MY best and it's not good enough? That starts to wear you down...Ya know? Makes me wonder about that door I was talking about the other day. Do I keep knocking .... or do I close it .... just for a while? That's the question. One I need to make soon ...but first pray about for a few days.
Either way. Love you all! Gonna rest until finals! Xoxo
Apparently I did a HORRIBLE job expressing my feelings/emotions because everyone took it as me being either -- ungrateful, unhappy, really upset, or that I was QUITTING!  I feel horrible that it was taken negatively by anyone. If you follow me on Snap Chat I think I did a much better job of expressing my emotions. Maybe I should just ban myself from FB updates, lol :)
To keep even more people from taking it the wrong way ... I deleted the post and wanted to clarify what I REALLY meant. But I felt this was better suited as a BLOG .. not some long FB rant. Giving people the option to click on the link and read it if they want .. move about their day if they don't.  
So for those of you that care (lol) .... here you go... a little clarity.

First ..  I am of course honored to be on a pro stage. It took me 7 long/hard shots at earning that title. I will always be grateful and I TOTALLY understand that there are hundreds of girls that would give anything just to be on a pro stage. I never take that for granted! But with a new chapter .. comes new goals. My goal was never to stop at earning pro status. It was to keep going for a little while and compete as a pro and do better with each show. So when that doesn't happen (or in this case I just stay stagnant at 8th place) .. of course I am a tad bummed. Totally NORMAL!!! But I still try to learn something from each show. Besides, my goals as a "bikini pro" do not center around just the stage. Doing well is all part of a BIG picture.

Second ...  I said "It wasn't my show" ... meaning I didn't end up in what is considered the TOP call out for my division. I placed 8th. Basically the same as my last two shows. So .. it wasn't my show ... meaning my look wasn't what these judges wanted to see. I was happy with my pkg personally and made some minor changes the LAST set of judges asked me to make. But these were different judges! I actually did this show KNOWING I'd be an unfamiliar face to them and that could be a negative thing. But I need to get feedback from MULTIPLE people in order to see what thoughts are "across the board". I'm anxious to hear what they have to say so I can take it ALL into consideration as I move forward! Also .. I do not believe I had the physique on that stage. I'm not claiming I did. I didn't deserve to win. One day it will be my time. This weekend WAS NOT! While it was pretty darn close, I actually personally think the gal who got 2nd had the overall best physique/presentation/package at this show. Maybe I'm bias because she is a fellow flexible dieter :) LOL!

Third...  I'm not quitting. I simply said that maybe I should "close the door"...  FOR NOW!! Meaning I may go into an OFF SEASON instead of doing the 2 or 3 more shows I had considered doing in 2016. This is a LIFESTYLE for me ... so the gym and macro counting and trying to motivate others will be part of my life for as long as I'm able. So ... no quitting. Those words were never said. I'm simply confused as to what to do next .. both with what show to do and what physique to attempt to bring and if that look is even attainable for me personally. But quit .. not yet. Even if I decided to NOT compete anymore .. it wouldn't be quitting .. it would be ending a chapter of my life. The stage isn't a forever thing ya know :) Eventually I will retire my heels and sparkly suit. After all ... I got started in this sport pretty LATE in life! 

Last ... Having no expectations and having goals are totally different. I never expect anything. Not in the sport of bodybuilding .. not in life. I know better. But I do give myself personal goals with each show. I may be disappointed if I don't achieve them .. that is NORMAL .. but I don't beat myself up too much because I am fully aware that it is a SUBJECTIVE sport. It's not like football or basketball. I do however get baffled as to WHAT look to bring to my next show because it is so subjective and every judging panel is different and MOST like a different look. But I never said the people that placed better than me didn't deserve it, or that I looked better, etc. As I touched on above. I didn't deserve this show. They looked amazing and it was THEIR SHOW ... not mine :) Maybe the next one will be mine .. maybe not! And as I've always said .. that is okay too! It was once again a very tough line up of girls and I'm (as always) honored to be up there with them.

Does that clarify? I'm not UN happy. I'm not quitting. I'm not confused as to "what happened" at this show or any show for that matter. I'm blessed, motivated and simply UNSURE of what I personally need to bring to the stage next and WHAT stage that should be. I'd say that is my biggest downfall. I don't really have any help deciding what shows are best for me. So I always just wing it or take big risks. I think I need to think about that and figure out who can help me with that particular aspect of competing. It takes a team sometimes!

I'm so sorry for any confusion! And while I know I don't NEED to explain myself (because someone will say that) ... I felt like I should. The last thing I want is anyone thinking any of the above!! 
Next time I'll either .. say nothing .. stick to Snap Chat where I'm much better at being myself expressing ME and my emotions ... or just stick to blogging, lol!

Speaking of blogging ... #PrepWithPurpose picks back up with a new person of the week next week! I hope you join me! 


1 comment:

  1. Stacy, not sure how people could misinterpret what you said. It was in black and white. No matter what you do or how you do it, you always do your best. The girls at work cheer you on. Love you bunches.
    You have a busy week coming up. Enjoy the week. Wish I could see the Transformers again. Just a bit closer.😜