One week ago I would describe my mental state as extremely focused and determined ... but at the same time a tad insecure and scared out of my mind.
Last Friday I was one day away from competing in my first fitness competition. It is something that for 8 weeks .. was my life. My focus. Well .. let me rewind .. it's technically something I had been preparing for off and on my entire life.
Since I can remember .... I have always been active. As a child I was into cheerleading and gymnastics. Then as I got older I started learning to lift weights (I would even go to the gym my sister worked when I was little and observe every second .. in awww). In high school I took some college classes and one of them was weight lifting. I was actually leaving my college gym class when I was in a car accident that almost took my life. Who knew that the scars left behind from that day would leave insecurities that almost stopped me from what is now my passion...competing in the NPC.
About 10 years ago I had a trainer ask me if had ever thought of competing, telling me that I had great muscle memory and genetics. It totally went in one ear and out the other because the word "bodybuilding" means huge manly muscles, right? Fast forward to meeting my husband in 2008. We started working out together and he said the same thing. He was once into bodybuilding and I started to learn more about lifting and about the sport itself. Still .. I was in my late 20's. I had gone through a messy divorce and felt I hadn't had a chance to take a deep breath and live a little. So while I was an "off and on" gym goer and conscious of what I ate ... I would certainly not say that I led a clean lifestyle. I was good to get in a liter of water a day, I definitely drank my fair share of adult beverages and while I watched what I ate .. my meals mainly consisted of power bars, anything that said baked not fried seemed like an okay idea, I never paid attention to portions and was good with whatever "healthy" meal we came up with. All of that ... plus when I did work out I wasn't properly feeding my muscles. I was ignorant to the science of it all and allowed my mind to tell me that pre-post workout shakes were just added calories.
So let's go back to that first paragraph. To to say it took 8 weeks to get the body I had at Flex Lewis Classic ...just isn't true. I have been active and aware my entire life. On top of that I have been VERY loyal to the gym since January 2013. Haven't missed many weeks. Then in 2014 that I started to do more research, study the human body, spent hours and hours looking up new workouts, researching the best foods and protein supplements. I started weighing my food and focusing on fueling my body in a different way. I watched endless NPC shows and dreamed of having the strong physique most those women had. But did I have the patience, the dedication, the will power ... the security. Not yet.
We were in Vegas during Mr. Olympia. We didn't attend because at the time we booked our trip we didn't know it was happening the same weekend. Not to mention .. we were there to party and have a good time. But after talking to peole there ... the bug hit. I became even more dedicated in the gym. But it wasn't until I was watching The Arnold Classic LIVE on my computer that I made up my mind. No more wishing, no more hoping, no more wondering what my body was capable off. I was going to find out. For those of you that don't know me ... when I decide I'm going to do something ... I do it.
After much research I knew who I wanted to help me during my road to my first NPC show. After she agreed to help guide me during this very new process I picked the date - - June 28th 2014. There was no turning back. Remember ... giving up is not in my vocabulary when I set my mind to doing something.
I know many people have a hard time with contest prep, but I really didn't....I enjoyed it! I didn't really have days where I wanted to give up. I didn't break mentally. I wanted this. Not just for me, but I knew I had a platform to motivate others to do the same for themselves. It was like something clicked. This is it ... this is my passion. The only thing I had (and still have) a hard time with .. was/is missing out on fun stuff with my friends. I have had to say "no" a lot and that really stinks. But my eye was/is focused on a much bigger picture.
I entered the Flex Lewis Classic with high hopes ... but zero expectations. I knew I had dialed in the way I was suppose to and I knew I was physically ready. While I was focused ... mentally I still needed work. I'm very insecure about the scars on my leg and believe it or not I'm a tad shy.
When I walked out for pre-judging I was flustered. I had arrived back stage a little late (I was having some stomach problems that day and so I stayed in the room as late as I could). I didn't realize they had called my class back. I didn't know the process so I panicked. I got in touch with my coach and she arrived back stage just in time to help me do the things I was clueless about .. but the rush made me even more nervous. Then they called us out. My heart felt like it was beating outside my body. Then as I stepped on stage ... I heard familiar voices in the crowd. While those few minuets on stage felt like a life time .. with every second I felt myself relaxing more and more. They asked me and one other young lady to leave the stage. I wasn't 100% sure what that meant ... but I heard the screams and claps. When we stepped off stage my fellow competitor grabbed me and said "You know what this means, right? We are first and second! They don't need to look at us anymore". I DID IT!! I not only made first call outs but I knew I was either 1st or 2nd .... whhhhaaaaaaatttt?!?!?! I got to my sweet husband, coach and friends as soon as possible and tried to spend the rest of the day taking deep breaths. I had already exceeded my expectations. But now it was time to go for the gold ... the gold lady that is :)
By the time the night show rolled around ... there had been tons of waiting. I spent most that time alone. Reflecting, listening to music, thinking about my journey. I was in a clear mental state. I was ready. When my number was called ... this time I felt a rush. In a good way. I felt .... "it". That thing that other competitors have told me about. I was home.
Long story short ... I not only won my class ... but overall.
I have never won a trophy that I can remember. I have never been "the best" at anything I have ever done. I've always been the girl that has done a bunch of different things .. but never "mastered" any of them.
The emcee spoke over the mic and said "Enjoy that win girl" and I did... for about 10min. The events that happened after I walked off stage .. well ... that is a blog in itself. Long story short someone stole all my belongings from the hallway where we ALL left our stuff (well they did leave my cover up so thankfully I didn't have to walk around in my bikini, lol). I'll save all that mess for another blog entry when an arrest has been made and I have a mug shot I can post :) For now... I'll just say regardless of some horrible persons actions - June 28, 2014 was one of the best days of my life.
Now one week later ... I'm back at it. Preparing for the next show. Preparing to be an even better me than I was this last weekend. I have the bug. I have the desire. I want to go all the way.
Eat Clean. Train Dirty
Stacy
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