Wednesday, March 3, 2010

If only ...

"If only" are two of the saddest words in the world. That is because they are usually followed by some event, that had it been different, life would somehow be better .. right?

That is what we like to think, but would it really have been?  Undeniably, in some instances, our regrets stand alone and wouldn't necessarily cause a negative ripple effect had the "it" never happened , but that "butterfly effect" thing has some truth to it.  You never know if you had taken away one event, good or bad, how it would change your life.  We can say "If only" all we want, but we never really know if the outcome would really have been any different?  That is just part of this big ole journey we call life.

Still yet, there are events in our life that we have a hard time dealing with, things that we just can't let go of, that we just can't seem to get past.  If I were to ask you, "What is your biggest regret", chances are a hundred images of  people or events you would rather not recall, would flash before your eyes.  For some, regrets are nothing but skeletons in our closets, sitting in the dark with no threat of being revealed to the world. They are instances or people that have come and gone with no harm to yourself or anyone else. We've lived, hopefully learned and moved on without any major setbacks. For others, regrets are public displays of how we messed up. They have resulted in a major set backs, life changes and even traumatic events in our lives. They're screw ups from our past that are preventing us from the present and in some cases even future happiness.

No matter what your biggest regret is, who knows about it, or the result, we all have to figure out a way to get over it (in same cases them) and not let it/them have a negative impact on our life.
Usually the first step is forgiving yourself and/or someone else.  The next step, for some of us, is relying on "faith" alone. But I know that many reading this need something else.  Maybe you have faith but need guidance to get you to that point? 

I'm not sure I have any great words of wisdom, because I myself have struggled with letting go of past mistakes and just moving on, but I do know that somehow we have to keep from saying those two bad words .. "If only".  They are a slow suicide of the mind and unless one of you have a time machine each of us can borrow for a day, we can't change it/them. 

Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in.  So let's stop wallerin' and start livin' why don't we!

Grace and Peace to you,

I would love for this to be an interactive blog, so please post any suggestions in the comment section (here not facebook) on how people can get past the "If only". Just please remember to be positive and keep in mind that while some regrets have resulted in no harm, others have resulted in bad memories, negative life changing otucomes and things that may be hurtful and not easy to just "get over" or "let go of" :)


  1. "Regret is an appalling waste of energy" I say that about worrying, but that's another topic.

    If only I hadn't told her I was looking for a place to live, maybe she wouldn't have ruined my life.
    If only I'd finished Culinary School, I might be in a different place.
    If only I'd went to a traditional college, I might have a better lifestyle.

    But those events shaped who I am today. They helped me learn things I wouldn't have otherwise learned, or at least not so quickly. I guess to get passed the "if only" you have to focus on where you are going, from where you are right now, and stop obsessing over how you got there. Some mistakes are hard to take, to get over, but we have to try not to let them consume us.

  2. Very good post! I try my best not to dwell on the past. I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason". Even though I have things I wish I could take back...... I take them as a lesson learned or try and look at both sides of the picture and see what I could of done differently. All of my mistakes are what made me who I am today; which is a much wiser, patient, forgiving, well rounded woman.