Friday, February 4, 2011

Adult Friendships

Hey Friends,

I stumbled across a couple of things that made me think about how different friendships were when we were kids. Isn't it crazy how in an instant we would make a new best friend. Well and I guess just as quickly hate their guts, haha!

As we become adults it becomes quite the challenge to find not only good people..but good people that you can fit into your “grown up” schedule. Even more than that, when you get older it seems that the “clicks” just get worse! Just not in the same way they were when we were younger.

When you get to be in that late 20’s to 40’s age range and you aren’t married, or don't have kids, it’s hard to find that group of "30 something" girls that are in your shoes. Then when you do meet girls in the same boat as you, chances are they already have their "30 something" girlfriends and are too busy to care to connect to anyone new. I don't blame them because I’m the same way. I’ve met lots of sweet girls, but our paths just don’t seem to be able to cross often enough to form something more than hugs and hellos.

Personally, my problem with allowing new people in my life is that I have become more guarded with age. I start wondering about peoples motives more than I once did. Maybe it’s not so much age as it is experience and learning that in general people tend to suck. I don't know, maybe it’s just the company I’m in.

Ya see, when I moved to Nashville I discovered a new “breed” of people. I won’t go into what qualities they have because the list is long and harsh, but lets just say that even if I can manage to avoid the "breed" it's hard not to have mutual friends or acquaintances.

In an attempt to avoid this "breed" of girls I decided that this town is waaaaay to big to have to even associate myself with an extension of this .. "breed". Major FAIL. Since I am often out and about all over town, have a very social career, in a relationship with someone that owns a very social business and mainly since Nashville is such a SMALL big town, that attempt has been nearly impossible.

I had to really start talking to God about this friendship thing more than I ever have in my life. I also had to really trust my gut and pray He would guide me to who I should trust. I’m not totally tuned into that “gut feeling” you are suppose to get because I doubt it too much, even though history tells me I shouldn’t.

I’ve allowed people into my life that I probably wouldn’t have a year ago, shut people off that I didn’t expect I would have to and found amazing friendships in some of the most un-expecting people.
Still yet, there are days, moments, issues, “gut feelings”, that make me second guess who I have let into my life thus far and maybe even who I've kept away.

Children have a natural instinct to bond. Why is it that as adults it becomes so much more of a challenge? Wonder what child like impulses we can take from our childhood self to form better adult friendships? Hmm, if you think about it, as kids we would tend to, or were told to do, what?? Share..Say please and thank you..Listen..Be curious..Have fun..Don't hold grudges..Be free spirited..Don't judge..Be nice..Say I'm sorry, Etc.

Makes sense.

What are your all’s thoughts about these so called adult friendships? I’m not talking about the girls you see out, speak to at social events, maybe even have dinner or a single night out with, I’m talking about true new adult friendships.

I’ve talked to enough people to know we all have issues when it comes to this. Curious what yours are?

Grace and Peace to you,


  1. I have been battling this issue lately. I am 32 I have only one true friend. It is very sad actually. I have found that no matter what the situation is that people are out for themselves. I don't think it matters whether it's a big city or small town. Girls and woman are catty plain and simple. I think it boils down to insecurities. Woman are insecure and jealous.

  2. I read your blog... interesting thoughts on a lot of things.
    One of the main ones is talking about your faith - very cool.
    Not many Christians are as vocal and open about it (including
    myself).. unfortunately. WORKING ON IT!

    I am also a little timid on posting my thoughts on a public forum - for all to see - and attach my name to it, for fear of rejection lol- which leads me to my thoughts directly related to Adult Relationships.

    Nashville is a great city.. and as you mentioned... a small one. I often find myself still trying to fit in or be included. Well... actually to be accepted. In such a cool/hip/artsy town... who doesn't want to be accepted as a legitimate anything. Damn, i never realized how insecure that makes me sound. I'm really not! ha.

    Now that i have been here for a few years and am a bit older (30) i feel like the relationships i do have are analyzed and are really probably over-analyzed. Not ONLY by me.. but also the people who know of that relationship. Let's say we met a famous artist...and we hit it off... and become friends with them, everyone wonders if our intentions are true. Sometimes in a weird way we also wonder if we are being true to ourselves or do we genuinely like the person.

    Obviously same sex friendships are different than opposite sex friendships as well (especially being married) ... all the while being over analyzed by everyone..even ourselves. To this day the majority of friends who i feel are "lifers" i don't even see on a weekly or sometimes even a monthly basis. And it's not because i don't want to see them more often, i just think that both parties understand and love each other...with NO expectation except what they are personally going to invest into it - their heart.

    I have lost a lot of childhood friends and close friends over the years. The main reason always seemed to be that I didn't feel that I was getting out of it what i put in or that they never cared enough to do the same. But, with the true friends i have now, i know that they don't expect anything from me and i don't expect anything from them.....

    We both truly want to be involved in each others lives.

    I don't blog. I don't write. I do however ramble : ) it doesn't seem so long until i type it out. haha... so sorry if i could have been more concise!! Your posts are interesting. made me think, so thanks for that!


  3. Keep posting Stacy. You seem to be focusing on some good things.