Thursday, April 29, 2010

Hope Floats ... or does it?

Hey Everyone,
Was just thinking about relationships tonight. The boy/girl kind. Well... I guess also the boy/boy or girl/girl kind too .. so let's just say the romantic kind :)

Why is it that so many of us (especially us girls) tend to cling on to someone for no good reason other than "hope"?  You know, hope that they will change, hope that they will go back to the way that they "used to be", hope that they will wake up tomorrow so very sorry for some hateful thing they have said or done. I guess we love them and care for them and that is really why we are still holding on so tightly .. but why?!  I mean when it gets to THAT point .. and I know you know the one I'm talking about .. then is true love even present anymore or is the relationship just force of habit .. too much of a hassle to get out of (i.e. you live together, are married, have kids, etc) .. fear of being alone .. or possibly even due to being brain washed into thinking we can't live without that other person?!

No matter the reason we "cling" ... so many of us freaking do and it's so not cute! Now
I'm guilty as charged. In my past at one time or another I was a clinger.  I guess that is why I get so frustrated when I see these girls (or guys) do it now. I think to my self, "Oh my goodness how pathetic you look .. please stop"!!! 

But why ... WHY?! Why is it that when a significant other pushes us away by their horrible words or actions we run faster and faster toward them?  Literally .. we run so hard that we shove them down most the time. Then after the fact we say, "Oh no, what did I do to make you fall"?  It's bull...crap! (actually it's called insecurity but that is another blog entry in itself)

Why would we ask if it's our fault or apologize for anything in that case? Why do people pull this reverse psychology crap? They do something wrong (like treat you like crap and/or disrespect you) and somehow you end up begging them to stop acting that way and to stop being a jerk and then the next thing you know you are all of a sudden apologizing when they are the ones that should be on their hands and knees! 

That entire "We want what we can't have" theory is so pathetic - but sadly I guess this is proof that it is so true!!! But why?? Why in the world would we want someone to chase after us?? How can that make you feel good about yourself?!  Is it a control thing? Is it a arrogance thing? Now, this could go both ways, because when we have a friend dating a guy like this .. what is the first thing we tell them to do? We tell them to back off and make him wonder, make him want you, make him wonder ... because he'll want what he can't have.  Why are we as humans engineered to react to this treatment?! Why can't we all just appreciate what we have and not have to play these silly mind games?! 

Life is not always good.  People let you down. There are lots of steep mountains and scary looking bridges to cross. I blogged about this because I was just thinking about how I'd rather run this crazy race we call life all ALONE if I didn't have a REAL man to run with me.  So many people have a person that they literally have to DRAG along .. or maybe they are being drug by someone. Either way, what is the point if you aren't gonna be there to hold each other up in the end?  Oh wait ... "hope" .. right? Hope that no matter how bad they treat you now they will somehow be better and still be there in the end ... um .. WRONG!! If they aren't gonna run along with you during the good times AND bad then they don't deserve to be there with you at the finish line!!

I used to both drag and be drug and I still have the scars to prove it. Thanks to a great God who listened to my prayers and answered them on HIS time ... I finally have a real man. One that will run beside me no matter the challenge or distance.  If for some reason he's not by my side at the moment .. I don't have to look back to check on him .. cause I know he's there.  

Ladies .. only a little boy would allow you to drag your feet and hold that pretty little chin down.  If you are dragging your man along beside you ... clinging to hope that he will change ... hoping he will see the light of day ... hoping tomorrow will be the day he says he's sorry and wraps his arms around you .. get ready to fall down hard girlfriend .. and let me tell ya .. the longer you allow the dragging  .. the harder it's gonna be to get back up when you do fall! 

I'm not saying someone isn't capable of change.  That would be like saying there is no such thing as God.  Everyone is capable of change if THEY WANT TO CHANGE.  But they have to pick up their own damn feet and move. Sometimes it takes baby steps .. and that is okay .. as long as they are ready and wiling for the work it will take to be a better person and partner.

Grace and Peace to you,


  1. They say the guy is suppose to be the pursuer. He initiates the relationship. He is the leader. He is suppose to go after what he wants. And then he's not suppose to look needy? WTH? Isn't that a conflict? Isn't neediness the basis of all relationships? Isn't neediness why people cling? Why is it okay for girls to be needy but not guys?

  2. Hello There ...

    As I responded to you in Facebook ... it's not okay for guys OR girls to be "needy". I was just saying that girls tend to act that way more (which is a fact).
    I never said that it was okay .. in fact if you re-read my blog .. I said the exact opposite!
    Being a pursuer, initiating a relationship and a leader is not the same as being NEEDY. Knowing what you want and going after it is confidence .. which by the way that is VERY old school that "guys" are the initiator, etc. Girls have just as much "go get em" now .. it's equal these days.
    Anyway .. No .. he or she isn't suppose to not only look needy .. but BE needy.
    There is a HUGE difference in showing someone they are wanted and needed and being "needy".
    Neediness is NOT why people cling. People cling because they are afraid they are going to .. or are ..losing that person. There is a very clear difference.
    I daily let my man know that I love him, NEED him and want him in my life. But I am not in any way "needy". If he were to be a jerk I would NEVER cling to him. If I didn't do anything wrong .. and he was being a jerk .. why would I cling? Why would anyone cling? The point of this blog was to say just that ... WHY?? It's so not cute or necessary to CLING. If someone doesn't want you .. they don't want you and clinging to them only makes you look "needy". Again .. being needED and being NeedY are totally different .. hope that make sense?
    But great point about the guy and girl stuff .. cause people need to know it's not like that .. a guy isn't expected to be that way anymore :)